This “patient love”

One of my favorite definitions of love is located in the book of 1 Corinthians.  In the 13^th chapter, Paul writes about the importance of love and gives his understanding of what love is and is not.  He leads into the definition by saying that if we have all of these talents and abilities but do not have love then nothing else really matters.  In verse 4, he begins to really get into the description of love:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

The very first adjective that Paul uses to describe love is the word PATIENT.  What does he really mean by using this term to describe love?  Many people view the word love as a noun.  They look at it as something that we possess or hold in our hearts.  Others view the word love as a verb, because it is seen as something that we do; an action.  Whichever way you look at it, Paul says that it’s “patient.”

If we look at the word, patient, and it’s definition we find: 

1. capable of waiting: able to endure waiting, delay, or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset

2. capable of persevering: able to persevere calmly, especially when faced with difficulties

So, does this mean that love waits and endures without becoming annoyed or upset?  Does it mean that it perseveres through difficulty in a calm manner?  For Paul, apparently so.

But, how can we love patiently or experience a patient love when everything in our society and culture speaks contrary to this idea?  Usually, when we say that we love someone or believe that someone loves us, we automatically start the clock.  We begin to put time frames on our lives and theirs simply because love is present.  In relationships, people automatically start planning the engagement or the wedding once someone used the term love.

I’d like to think, however, that love is just the beginning of building a solid foundation for a relationship.  It takes time to create the type of love that Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 13, which is why I think he started with “love is patient.”  The word love should not be pressure filled and create stress and anxiety for those who give or receive it.  God’s desire is for everyone to love and be loved.  This “patient love” is what many people, especially those who desire to be married, need to learn and practice.  Before thinking about the wedding or your ideal honeymoon destination, perhaps couples should learn to love patiently.  Love in a way where they are waiting for the right timing to move into the next step.  Loving patiently might mean taking time to learn about someone’s values, goals, dreams, and spiritual desires.  Loving patiently might mean being in a relationship but also vigorously pursuing your own destiny, dreams and God-given purpose as he or she does the same so that should the relationship grow into more, the two will be whole and complete before joining as one.

Perhaps if we learn how to love patiently, we will learn more about God and how to love Him and do more of what He desires of us.  An evaluation of past mistakes helped me understand how I need to live and enforce a patient love.  I’m happy because I see the results of being patient and not having so many pressure filled expectations of those we love.  God desires to teach us how to give and receive love His way. 

 Just remember that all things work together for our good if we LOVE Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).  So, as long as we keep loving God and living out His purpose for our lives, everything else will come together for our good.  So, practice more patience in your love for others.  If you are married, be more patient with your spouse.  If you are a parent, be more patient with your children.  In your relationships, practice waiting without becoming annoyed and trust God to work it out for your good.  Focus on becoming a better person, pursue your dreams and walk in your destiny. 

In the words (and voice) of Pastor Joel Osteen, "Do you believe it on today?"  :-) 

If He brought you to it...

For anyone who has ever actively attended church, or Sunday school, you've heard different "cliche-like" terms that have become commonplace in the church.

For example,
"I'm too blessed to be stressed, too anointed to be disappointed,"  or
"If it had not been for the Lord who was on my side, where would I be?"
or my personal favorite,
"God is good, all the time and ......c'mon you know what to say....all the time, God is good." RIGHT!!!  :-)

And, while most of these terms are based on scripture or someones personal testimony, they often are repeated in concert by the church with no real connection to the message behind the cliche.  In some cases, they have become ways for people to sound and be, what I like to call, "churchy."

As you develop a personal relationship with God, our creator, you start to get a better understanding of what people really mean and feel when they say things like that.
YOU start to understand and even witness the actual goodness of God in your own life and even through the difficult times, you learn that God IS good!

Well, I was thinking about where I am right now and what I should blog and one of these "churchy cliches" came to mind and it is reflective of where I have been and where I am and probably where I'll continue to be.

"If He brought you to it, He'll take you through it!"
This message popped into my mind and I started to think about all the things He (God) had brought me TO.  For the purposes of my relationship with God, I look at "brought me" the same as "allowed."  I believe that God, in many situations, ALLOWS us to endure different situations and doesn't necessarily bring those situations upon us. 
Nevetheless...
He "brought me" to a period of unemployment and "lack," but eventually, I walked with Him through it and now I'm gainfully employed.
He "brought me" to a period of loneliness and heartache, but as I continued to keep my eyes on Him, I'm experiencing more joy in my life because I'm surrounded by love from family and friends.
And those are just two examples of how I've witnessed this saying in my own life.

Usually, people use this saying to encourage others during times of hardship and suffering.
We are encouraging them to keep their focus on God and He will bring us through every situation because He will never leave us or forsake us.

But, recently, I've had to shift the relevance and application of this saying to my life right now.
Now, I'm at a place where God is actually bringing me to some of His PROMISES for me!
YAY!!
So many incredible opportunities to live out my dreams and to fulfill His destiny for me, are right at my fingertips, and I'm excited, but somewhat fearful of what lies ahead.
So, when I think about the phrase, "If He brought you to it, He'll take you through it," I think it also applies to the good times and His promises.

Often, we are more fearful of the promises than we are of the pain.
Our pain becomes so much of a consistent part of life that we can't imagine a life without pain and heartache or disappointment.
So, when we begin experiencing the harvest season of life, we can't even believe that God really does allow His Son and sun to shine in our lives.
So we become afraid instead of believing that if He promised it and brought it to us, then we will get to the other side of that promise into destiny!

The good news is that, if we are in relationship with Him, God will walk in front of us allowing his favor to go before us into places that we would never imagine and He's walking beside us to help us learn how to experience Him through faith.

If He brought you to it (allowed it to happen in your life, sent his abundant blessings your way, answered your prayers, making all things work together for your good), then He will bring you through it (to a place of destiny, fruitfulness, and joy).

Stretch...you'll feel better!

I was sitting at my desk and was feeling really drained.
In August, I started a new job and a PhD program and I've been going full speed ever since.
I feel like I haven't had much time to enjoy the leisurely activities that I did during my time of unemployment (rest).
And, oh how I miss my Zumba classes (I need to find some that fit into my schedule ASAP)!

But, as I sat and thought about how tired I felt, I decided to stand up and stretch.
I walked over to the window in my office, lifted my arms above my head and pulled my body into a deep stretch...then, I bent down and stretched my back and legs.  When I stood up, I felt much better!
I felt a lot of the tightness and tension leave my body and even felt a burst of energy that helped me continue the rest of the day.

I think life sometimes requires us to stretch to feel better.
We often become bogged down with the routine and tired from all of the roles we play in life.
When we're able to "stretch" our minds and our spirits to focus on something else, it often helps us feel a lot better.

But, how do we "stretch," mentally, spiritually and emotionally?

Do something different to change your perspective about where you are and what's important
- Take a leisurely walk with no clear destination - observe, meditate, smile
- Eat your lunch outside
- Start a conversation with a stranger
- Take a moment to stand outside and look up in the sky (it's amazing how much clarity you receive when you realize how small you are in this giant world)
- Take deep breaths (you will notice how very little we are actually breathing!)

These may seem like really simple acts, but how often do you really take a minute to do such things?
How often do we feel like we don't have the time to take a minute and enjoy life and our surroundings?

What are some of the things you do to "stretch" throughout the day?

Does It Even Matter?

I have been reflecting lately on some of my personal characteristics and how I experience life.  I'm often mindful of when I am not being true to myself or beginning to worry about things going on.  Lately, I have been thinking about how much I tend to worry about what others will think or say about my choices in life. So many times we hold ourselves back from joy and happiness because of fear of what people might think or say. But I'm learning that no matter what you do, people will have something to think or say about you. What matters most is what God says or thinks; and for the most part His ways And thoughts are not like ours!
As we draw closer to Him and begin to understand the plans He has for us, sometimes it requires us to take a path that isn't always understood or doesn't even make sense to other people.  I believe it is our individual journeys and our collective faith that makes our connection with God and His purpose for our lives so great!
So at some point we just need to live...mistakes and all....so we can know that power and share with others.

Greatness Is Not By Chance

During the past year, I've experienced a major "shifting" in my life.
I use the word "shifting" as opposed to "shift" because it is actively taking place, even as I type.
You  might not understand what I'm talking about so let me help you understand.

Over the past two years I've experienced the following (not necessarily in this order, but pretty close)...

• Sold a house; moved into an apartment
• Got divorced
• Was laid off from a job
• Started developing a small business
• Started my natural hair journey
• Started this blog
• Turned 30
• Wrote a book about that hair journey
• Used public assistance (unemployment) to support myself
• Developed new friendships/relationships that will be lifelong
• Strengthened old relationships
• Applied for countless jobs
• Interviewed for some great positions
• Applied for and accepted to a PhD program
• Hired for a management position at a major globally acclaimed institution

These are just a few of the life changes I've recently experienced. 
Not to mention that my personal life has taken quite a few interesting turns of its own. 
So, I choose to say, instead of saying I've experienced problems or challenges, that my life is shifting.

During a shift, there are some things that happen in our lives that cause us to STOP in our idea of movement and take a look at what is happening in our lives and around our lives. 

If you remember, as a child, standing on a carousel that is moving, you remember that if you moved too much during the movement of the carousel you would get dizzy and often stumble and sometimes even fall down. 
So, normally, you would stand still and hold on to one of the poles that supported the carousel animals.

The purpose of the shift in life is to prepare us to walk in our purpose and destiny.
I am a believer that greatness is not an accident and doesn't JUST happen.
There is purpose in everything that happens in our lives that leads us to a place of purpose and destiny.
In other words, stop trying to figure out why you're going through life's shift and just hold on.
Many times, we feel that we must "keep it moving."
Our culture makes those of us who are ambitious, goal-oriented and purpose-driven feel that we need to constantly move so that we won't be left out or left behind.

But sometimes movement actually means standing still and allowing movement to take place around us and shift our current position in life.  It doesn't mean that we aren't always thinking, conceptualizing and dreaming, but it just means that we take the time to stop and see where we are and use that view to help us figure out the next move. 

Just like that carousel that is moving even while we are standing still; life is similar. 
Sometimes life is moving all around us and as we stand still we are able to see different perspectives as it moves.
The position in life where we are walking in purpose and living our dreams, sometimes requires that our perspective change.  We don't always SEE things the way we need to see, so when we are able to stop and watch the movement around us, our eyes are opened in a new way.
We are able to define who we are and what it is we are here on Earth to do.
Each of us has a divine purpose, which is great in one way or another, but often, life's circumstances and situations cause us to lose sight of that purpose and we end up moving our feet but not walking in or on purpose.

You are on the brink of greatness and there is something that you must SEE before you can take the actions that will eventually lead you to greatness.
So, stand still, hold on, keep dreaming, see what you need to see, then ACT accordingly.

Your destiny is not going to be by chance...
It's on purpose...be still, so you can walk into it!

Fight the Urge....

"Wash and Go" Style

aka "Bunny Puff"

Easy style for hot, summer, "go with the flow" days!!!  

So, I'm sure you've realized by now that we are on a "downward slope" to the end of 2011.
The year is over halfway complete and we are cruising through summer at a pretty good pace.

Right about now, many of you are making to-do lists filled with plans for fall, planning holidays and end of year vacations. 
You're making lists of things to buy your children for the beginning of the school year and you're already focusing on some changes you need to make for 2012.
But, really, you can determine how fast life is moving for you.

And all of this planning can become very overwhelming when you think about where you are now and what you have to do to get to where you want to be (whew, that was a mouthful)!!!
But, I would advise you to FIGHT THE URGE to jump ahead and plan every single day and week of the next 52 weeks of your life!!

Sometimes we miss out on valuable (an invaluable) interactions, experiences, moments, and opportunities because it wasn't in our "plan!" 
Just during the past year of my life, I've met so many people and experienced some randomly occuring blessed moments because I decided to ditch the plan for the day or week.

Through hardship and life's turmoil, I've learned to GO WITH THE FLOW.
Sometimes, even our very plan, is against life's natural flow.
Sometimes, life and the Spirit is telling us to just follow and go with the flow.
Don't worry so much about where you're going and what to do, just enjoy the journey and you'll get to where you need to be.

This is certainly evident in my life right now.
As I continue to cultivate my personal relationships with God and loved ones, start a PhD program, a new career and continue to grow my business, I'm constantly reminded that sometimes the FLOW is not in the PLAN.

Disclaimer:  I'm not suggesting that we don't need to set goals. I'm a very goal oriented person and I think when we have goals we are able to focus on our purpose and make a greater impact on our life and the lives of others.  But, our plan needs to be in line with the way your life is moving.
We get so lost in our own agenda that we don't pay attention to the direction our life is actually taking us.

So, like I stated earlier, some of us miss out on so many opportunities to experience joy and growth because we weren't sensitive to what our life was telling and showing us.

So, as we move forward with the rest of the year, I'd advise you to pay attention to your heart, mind and spirit and fight the urge to plan, plan, plan.

My PLAN for the rest of 2011 is to move with, not against, the flow of my life's current!!!!

Take Baby Steps!!!

I want my hair to grow. That is my current hair journey goal.
So, the other day, I was standing at the sink twisting my hair and going through my usual routine of massaging my scalp with castor oil and finger combing and conditioning the ends of my hair. 
As I stood there looking at myself in the mirror, I began to think about my upcoming birthday.

On 7/24/11, I'll be 31 years old.
But, as I thought about birthdays, I thought about the fact that by the time my birthday arrives, I would have already completed my 31st year of life. 

So, in actuality, on my birthday, I will begin my 32nd year of life.
Then, I just began to think about how much life is really a process and journey.
 
We have to go through whatever process we are faced with, in order to get the title associated with what we've accomplished.
When we were born, we didn't instantly become 1 year old.  We had to spend that first year in stages and each month we got a little closer to the completion of that very first year of life. 
But, ultimately, on our 1st birthday, we and everyone else in our lives, celebrated the fact that we made it!

So, as we walk through life, we must remember that we have to go through many processes in order to have the opportunity to celebrate the accomplishment!!!
Sometimes we want to put the cart before the horse and gain title and recognition before we go through the process. 
But, once we go through the process, then we obtain the title, we rejoice in our accomplishment, and we prepare to begin the next phase of the process!

God gives us the ability to dream big and have a vision for our lives.  But sometimes we want to jump straight to it without walking through each and every step.  If you find yourself being impatient with the process, then remember my example of the infant going through his or her first year of life.  At every phase there were milestones and lessons learned.  They learned to sit up, crawl, stand up on their own, move from formula to more solid food, some even began walking unassisted.  But at each phase, there was progress.  It wasn't always about getting to that first birthday party, but it was about enjoying the journey along the way.

That's what I believe God wants us to do.  He wants us to commit our ways unto Him, trust Him with our vision and let Him lead us and guide us while we enjoy the journey!

Sooo, as I continue to work on GROWTH in all areas of my life, I can practice patience and perseverance knowing that I am going through a process and each step is getting me closer to that day of rejoicing and celebration!